Why?

I had a nervous breakdown yesterday.  I have at least one a day.  Last night, it happened as I was trying to put my children to bed while at the same time juggling emails from work, making kid’s lunch for the next day and trying desperately to find the dry cleaning receipt that I misplaced but, of course, needed for today because I am out of clean work clothes.  I swear the owner of the drycleaners rolls his eyes at me every time I drop off my laundry.  He knows that no matter what pick up date he gives me, I will wait at least a month after that to come in.

Last night, I tried to multitask and was failing miserably at it.  One hour later, the kids were still not asleep but instead were jumping on my bed after the third warning that I had given out to them to get into bed or else….  I was still writing emails at a frantic pace because of course, everything at work is urgent and I still couldn’t find that stupid dry cleaning receipt.  I did manage to find my credit card bill that I was looking for last month and a pack of chewing gum.

Every night I ask myself the same question:”Why?”  Why can’t I get it together?  Why can’t anything ever go smoothly? Why can’t my kids go to bed when they are told? Why can’t my boss understand that not everything revolves around work? And why can’t the drycleaners just deliver my clothes and bill me?

And as I tried to grab each kid and get them to bed by threatening timeout, no play dates, no ice cream, no videogames-anything that I could possibly think of to get them to listen.  Last night, as I tried to shut down my computer and put my workday behind me.  Last night, as I crawled on my hands and knees to see if the dry cleaning receipt didn’t happen to slip under my dresser drawer. Last night, I was left with the same question I have every night: “Why?”  And what do you do when you have a question with no answer.  When you realize that your life is crazy and that balancing work, kids and a house is not easy.  Well, there’s only one thing to do. Reach for a glass of wine and say, “To heck with it. I’ll figure it out tomorrow.”  And then the cycle begins all over again.

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